Betty Parker is a professional speaker, author, and trainer. She holds a degree in broadcast journalism from Louisiana State University which affords her the educational background to write and speak professionally. She is a communications expert with nearly 30 years’ experience. Betty began her career as a trainer in 1998 in the biotech industry after which she started Sharper Development Solutions, Inc., a training, and development company, in 2006. Betty has educated thousands of leaders and staff across the country in a variety of performance areas. As a leadership consultant, she specializes in the following topics: communications, teamwork, diversity, conflict management, employee engagement, coaching and mentoring, customer service, and more. She is a regular guest host on WLXC-FM’s “N Touch” community affairs program in Columbia, SC and hosts a community show on KISS 103.1 on Sundays. She is an often sought out speaker for conferences and events and is currently working on her next book, “Defeating Goliath: A Lesson in Problem Solving.” She is a Certified Professional in Learning and Performance (CPLP) through the Association for Talent Development and a Certified Professional Coach. She is a Christian and is very active in her local church where she is on the leadership team, the ministry development team, and the Christian Education department where she is the training coordinator. She also leads the church’s annual marriage seminars. She and her family support Children of the World. She is an avid long-distance runner, and there is a photo of her in a 10k run where she finished in third place. It was indeed an honour and a pleasure to interview Betty not because of the amazing work she does but mainly because several years ago, when her child’s life hung in the balance, and fear tormented her with the frightening possibility of his death, she showed remarkable courage and declared war on fear and deployed her Christian faith along with seven effective strategies that helped her win the fight. After this, she wrote the book, “Waging War on Fear: Strategies to Overcome a Scary World.” This book reveals her personal battle against fear, and how she fought it and won. Anyone who is bound by fear and desires freedom will find courage and power within the pages of this book, and indeed many have. In this interview, Betty shares the strategies for overcoming a scary world and tells us a little more about her personal battle with fear. She hopes that her story will inspire you, and I do too.
I see that you have written a book, “Waging War on Fear: Strategies to Overcome a Scary World.” Please tell us about this book and what prompted you to write it.
Okay, so back in, I guess 2001, this was the time when I had just experienced my first pregnancy, and I was what they considered to be an old mum because I waited kind of late in life to start having children. But I experienced some early symptoms of delivery and so what ultimately happened was in my fifth month of pregnancy, twenty-three weeks in, my water broke. Now most ladies who have gone through pregnancy know that a full-term pregnancy is at forty weeks. So, here I was at only twenty-three weeks, and my child’s life was immediately in danger. So that started a long journey, a very long journey. Now that I look back, it probably wasn’t as long as it seemed, but it seemed like a very long journey at the time. And as I got through that situation and things kind of settled down, we also ran into September 11, 2001, so it seemed to me at that particular time that the whole world, I won’t say the world, but at least our nation was gripped in fear and that prompted me to put all that I had chronicled when I was going through my situation, in a book because it seemed like people needed a chance to release from that, regardless of what they were afraid of, we were all struggling in some way, shape or form with some type of fear and I just thought it was time to help people understand from a Christian point of view – that’s how I got through it, and also, in going through my situation, when I kept asking people how to make it through, there weren’t any real answers, nobody could help me through them. And so, I felt like this was something that would be needed by other people.
Where can people find this book to buy?
So, because it’s been a while, I took it out of print. I have many copies here so if they want to purchase it from my company which is The Sharper Solutions Development, they can go to my website and go to the store, and they can order it online. The website is, http://thesharpersolution.com/
So, how did waging war on fear save your son’s life?
Well, you know, I don’t know if it saved his life as much as it changed mine. Because I look back now, and it’s interesting when you have some years behind you and some successes behind you, you can go back and look at things a little bit differently. At that time, it was an all-out battle, a big war, but I learned a lot of lessons that are still applicable and relevant today. So, I tell people, even though this book was written some time ago, the messages are still timeless, I mean people still go through fear, they still go through difficult circumstances, and the strategies that I employed, I feel are still relevant today. So, for me, the way it helped change my life, was, instead of sitting hopelessly because all of this situation was totally out of my control; I had no control over my body or that pregnancy, but I did have control over how I responded to it and the actions that I took. So, I had to be very decisive in a lot of situations, you know, medical people were consulting with me on different things, they made recommendations and wanted me to abide by those or go on it or something. I couldn’t just freak out, or panic, which I did in some situations (She laughs) but I also prayed quite a bit. And I listened intently to what I thought were the responses from God. And I acted on that. I think we don’t do that enough, we get in a panic mode and panic, and you can’t hear Him, and you can’t act, and you can’t do what needs to be done because you’re stuck in one spot worrying and fretting. My aunt told me in that situation, she said, look, if you’re going to pray then don’t worry, if you’re going to worry then don’t pray (More laughter). The two can’t co-exist. You’ve got to choose one or the other, so I chose not to live in fear and in doubt and I said, okay we’re going to make it through this and the Holy Spirit had already told me that I was going to come out successful on the other side, but the practical side of me, the human side of me said, but this is a very bad situation, there’s no way, babies die! And then physicians are coming in and telling me all the negative news, how this child if he survives, all of the negative effects it will have on his development, on his growing up. It was just terrible news every way around. So, they kept heaping negative information that only fed into the fear. So, it was a battle to go against that negativity and to try and find that silver lining through it all because what they said to me and what the statistics brought out, my son should probably not have survived, but I chose not to listen to the statistics, I chose to listen to the smaller portion. If it was a 75% that didn’t survive, then I chose to think that he would be in the 25% that did.
So, what are some of the strategies for fighting against fear?
Okay, so one of the things that I had to come face to face with and that was the first strategy, I tell people, you’ve just got to identify what it is that you’re really afraid of and you have to call it out, because you can’t fight something when you don’t really know what it is, it’s not clearly defined for you, and fear comes in all kinds of ways so for that one I just had to say what am I really afraid of and generally fear is steeped in some kind of loss, we think we’re going to lose something and we’re afraid of the consequences of it, is it going to be painful, and in what way, am I going to be destitute afterwards or am I going to lose this relationship, am I going to lose my life or this child’s life? So, you have to call out what it is, that’s the first one, I just say, expose your enemy, and you’ve just got to stand up to it. I say, never run, and right now I want to clarify this because there are some circumstances where you do need to retreat, okay? I am talking about physical stuff. I just took a self-defense class, and there are some circumstances where your enemy is bigger than you, and you can’t get up to fight against it physically, but spiritually we have power and control if we’re going to use prayer and our faith to move mountains. So that was one of them, and the other one is recruiting you some prayer warriors. I had some wonderful people from my church, they came around my bed, they held hands, and they prayed over that pregnancy and it’s interesting to think that the doctors kept telling us that if we can get this pregnancy to twenty-eight weeks, if we can keep him inside for twenty-eight weeks, he has a greater chance of survival, and you better know that when he was delivered, it was at twenty-eight weeks, that was all God. You know, when you ask specifically in prayer for that, and He gives you exactly what you ask for. I would have preferred he stayed longer but if that was the threshold, considering how early I went in, that was good enough for me, and I knew God would do the rest. And then also choosing your weapons, so the weapons are the shield of faith and your sword, which is God’s word. So, I stayed faithful, and I stayed in the word. And then you create a strategy against your enemy, so I had to do like a step by step here’s how I’m going to handle my days. I had to say to myself, because I was in a hospital for forty days and it got worse at night, it seems like all of the evil things come to you at night. So, when no one’s visiting, when people didn’t come by my bedside when I was in the room all alone, that’s when all of the worst fears would come, all of the what ifs, my body would act crazy and the baby’s heart rate would drop, and nurses would run in and I would get injections. All kinds of terrible things would happen at night when you didn’t have the support of other people and just to see the light the warmth of a day. So, I had to figure out how I was going to get through those very interesting nights, and I survived those, thank God but it was a battle. And the next one was to declare war on the enemy which is what I did; I did not stop until my son was home. And number six, I say attack the enemy where it’s weak, use your sword. So, I knew it was a spiritual battle, and I just spoke against all things that I thought were evil and would come against me and my pregnancy and my child, and I used the word in that. And then claim the victory and rejoice. We were victorious in the end, and I still tell this story today of the victory God gave my son and me. He’s sixteen years old now; he’s in high school, we’re looking at colleges. And so yes when initially I thought it didn’t look good, to be able to tell the story now, that was what I dreamed of even back then.
What was it that inspired you to wage war on fear because some other person would have sat there hopeless, so what inspired you to take action?
You know you’re so right, and I try to get people when they’re afraid to make changes I always tell them, what is the antithesis of that? If you don’t make the change what’s going to occur? If you do make the change what’s going to occur? So, if the other side is better or the potential is still good then staying where you are, is not going to make the situation any better, something is going to have to change. So you may have to take some risks in order to overcome whatever the situation is that you’re in and that risk is often times steeped in fear because people know the risk could lead to potential loss or failure, so for me I was just inspired by the fact that, most of this is totally out of my control but what God has given me is power and prayer and the word says He doesn’t give us the spirit of fear, right? So, I was like I am not going to accept this. I am not going to accept fear, this is when He shows up at His best, when we are at our weakest, so I am going to have faith that everything He’s promised me, He will deliver on and I had prayed about this pregnancy, we had worked hard to get this pregnancy, it was a very much planned pregnancy, so I didn’t feel like He’d brought me this far just to leave me. And so, I continued to believe that He would carry out the promises that He had made to me.
So, in other words, your trust in God was what inspired you?
Yes, that’s right.
So, if people are going to wage war on fear, then they need to trust God more?
Yes. That’s right. And I always go back and look at what God’s brought me through. So, if you’ve lived a life where you know you’ve been blessed, and you can understand how He works at times, and if He’s delivered you through so much before, why doubt Him now? He had already confirmed in me and I’ve got to tell you too even when my water broke, when I was standing in my bedroom and the water was just pouring, just gushing, and I’d never been pregnant before but I knew that was not a good sign and I said, this can’t be good and I heard this still small voice say, it’s going to be alright, and I am searching for clothes to put on, my husband was there, he’s trying to get me ready to go the emergency room that kind of thing, but I know in my spirit right there and then that everything was going to be all right, but I did not accept it right away, I went based on what the physical part was. I knew this was not good, I knew it was way too early in the pregnancy for such a thing to occur, so you kind of deal with the natural, right? And everything pointed to the fact that this is a really terrible situation and when I went to the emergency room, the first thing the doctor told me, he said you are in a very terrible situation, and I knew it, and the negativity was just coming at me that’s why I say it’s a battle, it’s a war! Mine was pregnancy, but anybody who’s going through difficulties where they are trying to figure out what they have to do next, they have some tough decisions they have to make, or they want to make the next move in their lives but they are afraid to for whatever reason, think about what God has done for you, how He has brought you through so many other circumstances and there’s a term now, everybody is saying that if you can think then you will ultimately thank because you have to come to a place of praise because of all the things that He’s done, once you sit down and be a little more introspective and a little more retrospective, and think back to the things that He has done for you. You can’t help but praise Him.
What impact did writing this book have on you and how has it impacted readers over the years?
Yes, so for me it was cathartic, I was able to get some things out on paper and I probably need to go back and read it, I haven’t read it in a while, because I go back and look at it periodically just to remind myself of how far I’ve come and my son, I dedicated it to him and I tell him, look at this, look at how blessed your life is, and so you need to remember what God did for you and live a life that’s worthy of you being saved and delivered. While I was in the hospital, I journaled through each day because I didn’t want to miss what was going on. You know your memory fades no matter how traumatic some situations are. Memory tends to fade, so I wanted to make sure I chronicled that, and so when I got out of the hospital, he was still there of course for the next seven weeks, but it gave me time to think and to think about my situation which I was going through and that’s how I put it together in this book. It’s a short book; it can be read in a day or two, it’s not long, because I realized that when people are in desperate situations, they don’t have time to read 700 pages, they want to know right away, how do I get through this situation? So, I made it short, but I put it together, and I wanted to put it in a place where other people could benefit from it. So, a lot of people see it as a book about a woman who went through a difficult pregnancy, but that’s just my back story. The real story is just this whole idea of overcoming fear. So, whether you’re a man or a woman or a person who is pregnant or not, there’s a message there for everybody, mine just happened to be steeped in that particular situation, but anybody can use these strategies and overcome the fear that they may be struggling with. And the response to the second part of your question is it has been very very good, what is interesting is, I get so many baby pictures because there are a lot of women who have read it who had given up, you know they had experienced losses, some of them multiple losses and they got angry with God and they stopped talking to Him or they wanted to know why because they thought it was unfair, but they read that book, and now I get all these pictures saying, oh I am glad I didn’t give up, I followed your strategies and here’s the picture of my new baby that I never thought I would have. So, it’s very rewarding to know that your testimony is helping so many people.
Have you had any other experiences that have caused you to fear? How did you handle this?
Not to that degree like I had before because that was a life and death situation, but I have had situations where I have gotten a little anxious (she laughs), and one of my biggest was choosing to go into business for myself. So, that one was quite a challenge because I had been working in the biotech industry in a very good job making lots of money, great benefits, and all kinds of perks that went with it. I had been doing it for 17 years, so I had gotten comfortable, I was doing very well, and then I decided, I can’t do all the traveling anymore. At that time, I had two kids that were very young, four and six and there was a lot of travelling involved, but I wanted to continue to train like I was training the sales people and I still wanted to do the sales part of my job, and I said, how do I combine the two? So, I decided that I was going to look for a way to start my own business, work as hard for myself as I worked for that cooperation and it was kind of unnerving to think of leaving all of that behind, having very little of a safety net, using my savings that I could potentially lose and then go out on my own with not a whole lot of support. So that was really scary, but I went through it anyway. Based on how God has blessed me in the past, I felt that I cannot allow myself to stand still at a time when I felt the urging to move forward. So, I prayed on it and instituted all those things that I told you about earlier, and it has been a successful move for me.
We live in a world that is full of fear. How can Christians turn their fear into faith?
I am a Sunday school teacher, and we talk about it a lot in my Sunday school class. We talk about Christians being bolder in our walk, and that fear does depress you in so many ways, and you have to understand that yes, we live in a fallen world, there’s a lot of wickedness and evil that’s out there, it’s always been present, so you’re always going to have to go up against something, right? But if you keep yourself fueled by faith, if you stay in the word, you stay strong, you keep praying, and you stay around a body of believers who will continue to strengthen you, then we have to go ahead and push forward because the other side of that is complete and total failure. It is a loss of spirit, it is a loss of taking charge, a loss of faith in God, it says to Him that you don’t even trust Him to do what He needs to do through you or others, so to be hopeless at a time like this is to give up on God, in my opinion. I say no matter what collateral damage occurs I’m going to fight through it all; I’m going to step up and speak out if I’m the only one saying it. If I know it’s the right thing to do if I prayed on it and God is directing me to do that thing, I’m going to do whatever needs to be done without worrying about what other people think about it. If I’m in the will of God, it’s going to be the right thing at the right time. And so, I don’t let all the negativity cloud my judgement. And let me say this too as we’re talking about getting people to move forward; you feel more comfortable when you’re more informed. So I take calculated risks; I don’t just run out and do things without having done my homework and researched it and prayed about it and taken my time to think it through and to hear from God and that kind of thing, so that by the time I am ready to make some move, I feel very solid in my decision.
Is waging war on fear a one-time thing, or do we constantly need to wage war on fear?
Yeah, I think it’s constant because things just keep coming at us from every angle. All you need to do is look at the front page of a newspaper or news website, and you can see all the negativity, and there’s a lot to be worried about if you want to live your life like that. But for us as Christians, we know that the word of God tells us that these things are to come to pass in the last days, so I just look at it as the Bible being fulfilled. These are the things that are supposed to occur and for me as a Christian I know I am protected, I am safe, and I am supposed to be doing the work right now, at this particular time, to bring people in, to bring them to the cross, to witness to them about the goodness of the Lord, to help save some of them. So, there’s the need to evangelize. I am not one to go out and knock people over the head with my testimony or to beat them over the head with scripture or anything like that, but I do plant seeds, I plant seeds because I want people to hear me and sometimes people are not ready, so I think we make a mockery of the word of God when we go in, and we’re all so holy and so pious, and we’re shouting at them about the word. I don’t think you have to do all that. Sometimes, it requires that we just plant a seed and let Him do the rest, right? So, I do walk boldly in my faith; I don’t mind telling people I am a Christian. I work in a very secular industry and so even as I go out and train people and coach people in corporate situations, I do plant those seeds there. I’ll tell people, when I am talking about diversity and inclusion, I’ll mention it in class that I am a black woman, who is a Christian, from the south, you know, all those things that identify who I am. So, at the end of the day, if they want to talk to me about my Christianity, I don’t have a problem at all because I have confessed it before them. So, people are constantly needing to fight fear, yes, because so much continues to crop up every day, so I encourage people to continue to stay faithful and not allow it to dominate their lives.
I see that you are currently working on a book, Defeating Goliath: A Lesson in Problem Solving. Please tell us a bit about this book.
So, there we go again, I’m still witnessing, I’m evangelizing in my work (she laughs). So, I chose a Bible story, this is more of a business book, and it’s been a while since I’ve written a book, and I’m still far behind, but I’m using this to help with problem-solving. I see my work as ministry even though I don’t go preaching to people in these corporations, but I see it as a ministry we just call it something different. When I teach people about diversity and inclusion, I am teaching them how to be accepting of others unlike them, that God does not show any favoritism so we shouldn’t either, right? When I teach people how to love one another, we call it team building, but it’s about loving the people that you work with, treating them with respect and all those things. So, when I wanted to write this book, I said I wanted it to be steeped in some lesson inside the Bible because the Bible has every lesson you can learn whether it’s strategic planning, whether it’s communication whether it’s diversity and inclusion, whether it’s team building or conflict management, all those things I teach on regularly, I can find a lesson in the Bible around it, some kind of story. So, David and Goliath, was perfect in my opinion for teaching people about problem-solving, because David had a bigger problem on his hands with Goliath (she laughs). So, I went through that and looked at all aspects of that story and created a process thereby which people could take step by step approaches to problems that seem insurmountable at times even in the work environment. So, I am mid-way through, and my anticipation is that it will be ready for a late spring release.
Thank you so very much for talking with us today Betty, is there anything that you would like to say to our readers before I let you go?
I would just like to encourage women because I think the work that you’re doing is just phenomenal. We all need that encouragement along the way, because we get caught up because we play so many roles, there’s so much that is required of us and expected of us, and so much we expect of ourselves, and we get overwhelmed with those many roles and responsibilities, so I tell women to take care of themselves first, you know, look for ways to offer some self-care and continue to be introspective and to think of you in ways that are deeper than the superficial stuff we sometimes do, to give yourself about five or ten minutes a day to be mindful of you, what you bring into the world, how you think, your self-talk, all the things that you’re doing that either move you forward or cause you to be stagnant and so for those things that cause you to be stagnant you need to cut those out of your life and look for those things that will continue to help you to progress and if fear is stopping you, then you can overcome that fear. And I will encourage them to take whatever steps they need. Hopefully, something we’ve said today will move somebody to do something differently. But by all means be bold and courageous.
