Grace Aideloje is our DOZ Show Preferred Guest for this issue of DOZ Magazine. She is a writer and creator of the blog, Pen Parables International. She is also, the wife of a pastor and has recently welcomed twin girls after being childless for fifteen years. In this interview, she shares with us the many agonising years of waiting for her babies, years that were filled with a fear that she would die childless. She also opens up on what it felt like the moment she was confirmed pregnant at age 47.
Read Grace’s amazing journey to motherhood against the odds. Be inspired for your miracle!
Grace, you recently had twin girls after waiting fifteen years to have a baby. How does this compare with whatever dreams you had as a child regarding marriage and family life?
Wow. Well, let’s start with a little bit about my background. As a child, I was sexually abused by a paternal uncle who lived with us for a long time. I remember, from when I was seven or eight, he had started molesting me sexually until I was about 13 when I could stand up to him and say no. And by then, I was already so messed up. I began to see myself as a sex object until I met Christ. Before then, I’d had quite a promiscuous life, while I was in school, even as an undergraduate, I had multiple sex partners. I had several abortions that led to one of my tubes being removed when I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. So, I had secretly, inside me, borne that fear, that I might not be able to bear children. It was a fear that I carried in my heart for a long time until I gave my life to Christ and started learning how God can restore me and my wasted years. And also relating to marriage, I always tell people that I never saw my parents happy together. I saw them fighting most of the time, and then there came a time when my father brought another woman into our home as a second wife. And you see, that wasn’t an ideal picture for a child to form a solid future, and especially when it has to do with marriage. But I thank God that I met Christ before I got married. I met Christ at age 24 and I began to learn that marriage can be sweet when you have Christ as the centre. And I wanted that; I wanted that different story, so, when I got engaged – that was after I knew Christ, I felt it wouldn’t be nice for me to keep that part of me from the man I want to marry. I had to let the man know that I had had one of my tubes cut off because that was the honest thing to do. Well, for that and other reasons I didn’t know, the first two engagements I got into broke a few weeks to the wedding and that was quite shattering. It changed my life, but I thank God, I held onto God or should I say God held onto me, especially when I thought that I was suffering for my promiscuous past at that time. I suffered a lot of guilt and regret. Then, well, long story short, fast forward 2013, I met this man in the church, right in the middle of the ashes of the second disappointment. He had just joined my service group in the church, and weeks later, he proposed to me. I, of course, told him about my biological state. When I knew he was serious, I had to tell him. And he told me God had already told him about it and God had instructed him to go ahead and marry me. And so, we got married a year later, and that was the second-best thing that happened to me after I met Jesus.
Tell us about being married to a pastor and what impact that had on your long wait? Did it make the waiting more manageable and less frustrating?
Well, I wouldn’t say that. But I think that really God gave me a man after His heart because that had been my prayer for a very long time. You see, when you ask God and trust Him for a marriage partner, He will give you someone that’s suitable and complementary to you and that’s stated in the Amplified Version of Genesis Chapter Two, Verse 18. It says, I will give you a helpmate that’s suitable and that will complement you. Really, He gave me a man that was able to love me unconditionally. He was patient as I began to learn not only to love myself but also to love him. Because all those years of abuse made me despise myself so much. And my husband is well-grounded in the word of God, he’s a man whose faith is solid and he’s always very cheerful. He’s also a very disciplined and organised person, while I am the opposite of all of that. But you see, God helped him to provide for me the stability I needed during all our years of waiting. He was actually my encourager. I never saw him once sad, or worried, or anxious about our childless state then. And that made it less frustrating for me. But you know that it can be really trying when you’re preaching the word that’s producing miracles in people’s lives and the word doesn’t seem to work for you. You know, it was disconcerting, sometimes I felt very uncomfortable, but God’s grace saw us through it all.
During your waiting season, what was frightening about the entire experience, and what was empowering about it?
Well, there were times when I thought, I really believed at that time, that I might not bear a child till I die, especially when I crossed 45 and started spotting grey hairs. The devil whispered so many lies to me, actually, but I thank God for the power in the word of God. I thank God that I belong to a strong, Bible-believing faith-based ministry, and every time in God’s presence injected me with fresh fire and faith. That’s one of the reasons, you know, the Bible says we should not forsake meeting together as believers because that’s where we get our strength from. And that was actually the case with me, every time I went to church and heard the word of God, I got encouraged all over again. And of course, I received strength from God’s word, so it wasn’t totally frightening. But I just want to say that every waiting is for a purpose. Sometimes when you’re going through things like this, you need people to talk to you. You even need people to remind you of what you know because there’ll be times when you just forget everything you know. When the devil starts saying all kinds of things, you completely forget even everything you’ve preached. You need someone to remind you out of the word of God and to assure you that God is still faithful. So, there were times like that; there were frightening times like that. And all in all, God perfects us with challenges, that’s how He perfects His people. Because if we are comfortable, if we have everything we need, we will not seek God. He created us such that there will always be a need for Him in our lives. And there are some things we cannot do on our own, no matter how intelligent we think we are, how rich we think we are, how influential we think we are, there are so many things we cannot do on our own. Why? So that God will have a place in our hearts and our lives. I have come out of all these experiences very strong. I have come out trusting God more. I have come out relaxed, knowing that at the end of it all, no matter how difficult or impossible that challenge seems, it will pass. So, I think I am a stronger person today, I am a better Christian today, and a better minister today, because of all these trials that I’ve been through.
When you finally became pregnant, what was that like for you? And what was your reaction once you knew you were expecting twins? Please take us on that journey.
Well, I can’t forget sitting in front of the nurse, after taking a pregnancy blood test and waiting for the results from the lab. And I was trying to be calm. I sat down with my husband; we were just waiting. The nurse had been with us on this journey, and when the results came in, I looked at her face, and she broke out in a smile, and she said you’re pregnant. Then she just broke out into songs of praise, while I sank to my knees in tears, tears of amazement, relief, joy. That’s the first time I would be pregnant for a very long time. And then, about three weeks later, we were told they were twins. It was such a joy. It was such a joy; when God gives you double for the years of waiting. I can’t really find the right words to describe it.
What was the pregnancy like for you? How did it change your life? Were there challenges? If so, how did you overcome them? Can you talk us through that?
Alright. Get ready for this. Three days after I was confirmed pregnant, I went into the bathroom to ease myself, and then I saw blood. And it was in the middle of the night. I fretted and cried out in panic. My husband jumped out of bed, and when he realised what was happening, he told me to relax. He said, just relax, just relax, don’t fret, don’t worry, the miracle is permanent. I tried to put myself together, we prayed together and then he went right back to sleep. I didn’t know how he did that, but the truth is, I couldn’t sleep. So, I started praying; I was praying in tongues for a long time because I was so distressed. I just needed God to assure me. And after a while, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper into my heart, all is well, go to sleep. And right after that, I slept soundly. I continued to spot blood on and off for four and a half months, but God`s promises kept me together. I kept meditating on His promises, and when I go for a scan, the doctors will tell me the babies were fine, just make sure you are resting. And then one Sunday we came back from church and I was just trying to do one or two things in the house when, boom, blood. I started bleeding profusely and uncontrollably. We got to the hospital; they did everything they could; they couldn’t stop the blood. And I was just five months and two weeks gone. So, the doctors said, let’s bring them out. They were monitoring their heartbeat and the heartbeat of one of them was already getting very faint. So, they said let’s bring them out, and we will put them in incubators. So, we gave our consent and they delivered me of the twins through CS. And the first one they brought out, of course, the weak one, was so weak, they put her straight on oxygen, and her birth weight was 0.9, while the second one was 1.1 kg. So even while the crowd was in the hospital, rejoicing, they didn’t know that the babies were hanging in the balance – their lives were hanging in the balance, everybody was rejoicing and congratulating us. And after everybody had gone, I told God, people cannot come and rejoice – they came they praised you, they sang songs of praises the whole town is agog, and they will hear that these children are gone. We continued to pray, and we enjoyed tremendous support from our spiritual parents, our mentors, family members, church members, and our friends. You know, the battle is easier when you’re not fighting it alone. We spent a little over two months in the incubator, there were issues, but God took over. And to God be the glory they are over two years now and they are healthy.
Grace, what words of hope do you have for other women, especially those wives who are yet to have babies and fear their biological clock is ticking away, and they may never have children?
Well, God is not limited in any way. He is the one that created time, so time doesn’t limit Him. Age doesn’t stop Him from whatever He wants to do. As a matter of fact, He is ageless. So, I came to realise that it’s not about us, whether we are old, we are already getting into menopause and all of that. It’s about Him and His timing for us. His purpose and timing for us. And Sarah had to wait for so long. Why? Just to fulfil a purpose. When it was time for that purpose to be fulfilled, her age was irrelevant. Every waiting is for a purpose, especially if you’re truly a child of God, and you are waiting on God alone. Every waiting is for a purpose. You may not understand it at that time, but later, you will understand what God was trying to do. So, my encouragement is that they should wait patiently, only on God till the end. Don’t seek any other god, spend time with God and His word, meditate on His word. Speak the word of God to yourself every day and trust Him. I had to learn trust, trust must be absolute, like the three Hebrew boys who said to Nebuchadnezzar, even if our God will not save us, we will not bow to your God. But we know for sure that He will deliver us from your hands. So you have to come to a point where you can confidently declare that God will remain God, and remain your God, whether He gives you a child or not, and nothing will stop you from seeking and serving Him. You have to come to that point, where it doesn`t really matter, if He blesses you with this child or not, you will continue to seek Him and serve Him. And it’s important to surround yourself with positive-minded people, not those who will diffuse your faith. And if necessary, seek medical intervention, because for a long time, my husband refused me from going to the hospital, and from running tests. There was a time when they told me I had fibroid; it was big, and even though I wanted to conceive, the fibroid was already blocking my cervix and I had to get it removed. And my husband was always saying no, let’s just continue to wait on God. And we did that for about three years. And I became so tired and I knew that God was leading me to go and take it out medically. And I prayed, I went into a three-day fast and I said to God, if indeed you want me to have this operation, speak to my husband, and that was exactly what happened. The next evening, I went to him and broached the topic again and my husband said, it’s okay, if you want to have it removed medically, I will support you. And that was it. We need to also know when to seek medical intervention because God is not against it. Sometimes, He uses that also to deliver our miracles. And most importantly, live your life. There is a tendency of just putting your life on hold because you’re looking for a child. Everything just stops and that’s the only thing you’re going after; you’re so stressed up, you’re so anxious, you’re going from place to place. Live your life; enjoy it, pursue your vision, don’t waste your waiting period wailing and moaning. Just live your life. Many people used to tell my husband that they didn’t know we were waiting for children because of our level of joy, especially him, he’s always so joyful and we enjoyed each other during those times. We really did. Sometimes, we used to tease each other and say we’re having a prolonged honeymoon. Sometimes he will tell me, don’t worry, are you tired of me? Are you not enjoying the honeymoon? Don’t worry the children will come. So, joy is the number one prerequisite, for fruitfulness and most importantly, I need to mention that we need to remain sensitive to the voice of God. There’s always what to do to trigger your miracle and you have to believe God for that. For Abraham, when it was time for Isaac to come, God sent his way three visitors. He had a right to treat them any way he wanted but he decided to be hospitable, not knowing that they were angels. And for the Shunamite woman, she was led to prepare a special place for God’s servant that was always passing through her town. So, there’s always something to do. Hannah had to go to Shiloh, to pour out her heart to God, made a vow and received the spirit of joy. For me, I had to confront my past and deal with a whole lot of baggage; the Holy Spirit dealt with me day after day. When it was time, about a month to the time I conceived, it was like a purging. He started revealing to me that I had to forgive some people and I have to be forgiven by some. And I started digging into my past, all of those things that I had swept under the carpet, all of those pain, those hurts, my uncle that I’d carried in my heart for so long, and all, I thought I’d forgiven him but when the Holy Spirit started dealing with me, I knew that I hadn’t. I had to deal with all those things and I also had to make some vows and sacrifices. So, it’s all about keeping our spirit man sensitive to what God is saying per time.
Thank you so much, Grace, for sharing that. So how can people contact you if they want to know more about you?
They can contact me via email. My email address is gracemgreatman@yahoo.com
