Leia Baez is a Public Information Officer at Douglas County Nebraska. A few years ago, she was in what she describes as the darkest place in her life. Her marriage had come to an end, and she had moved back to live with her parents and was once again sleeping in her childhood bedroom. Leia felt discouraged and demoted. You see before this time she had owned her own house. But what seemed like a demotion was going to turn around to be a blessing. As she slept in her childhood bedroom and once again saw the glow-in-the-dark stars that she had put up on her ceiling as a child, Leia was reminded of all the dreams and wishes she had attached to every one of those stars. Suddenly it occurred to her that despite everything that had happened she could still have the life she wanted, that her dreams were still out there. She went back to school, obtained a master’s degree, secured a new job and was able to buy her own house and move out of her parent’s home. Today she shares with us that amazing journey.
I first became acquainted with Leia when I watched her commencement speech on a Goal Cast video on Facebook. As I watched her share her story, I was reminded in many ways of my story and journey, and I was also greatly inspired by her journey. I was reminded once again that I could do more and be more and that my past was just that, past, and had no bearing on my future but my choices did. It was a great pleasure to have her on DOZ Show and a greater pleasure to bring that interview to you in this segment of DOZ Magazine. As you read, I hope that you are inspired to be all that you can be. And I know that I speak for Leia when I say that we hope this interview causes you to be reminded of your childhood dreams and to keep reaching for them.
Hello Leia. I am excited to have you on this show and to learn about you and your amazing journey. So, I was hoping that you would begin by telling us a little bit about yourself.
Sure. My name is Leia Baez, and I was born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska in the United States. I have a Bachelors degree in Journalism and a Master’s degree in Public Administration. I’ve always loved going to school. I worked as a journalist for about 14 years, I worked as a newspaper reporter and editor here in Omaha Nebraska, but now I work in government communications. It’s very similar, but just a different speed I guess, different atmosphere in the workplace but I absolutely love my job now. I am very passionate about everything health and fitness; I love doing workouts, it’s like a stress reliever for me, so I enjoy doing that. And of course, I love spending time with my family and doing different activities with my daughter And just to be the best mum that I can be for her. And I also enjoy being involved in the community here where I serve as a mentor to youth and a volunteer for a variety of non-profits and those sorts of things.
Awesome. Your life sounds very exciting.
Thanks (she laughs).
Leia, I know you got divorced a few years ago. I just want to learn about how you were able to turn that situation around. So, what was it like when your marriage came to an end, because you had no clue that was going to happen, it was not part of the plan, you were not envisaging it, but it happened, and you had to return to your parents’ home and sleep in your childhood bedroom all over again. What was it like for you?
Yeah, I mean that was definitely the most devastating time of my life. One of those moments when you question why is this happening to me? And can I turn back the time, can I turn back the clock? Because I wish that things would not have been this way or that I could change certain things. And you know I was heartbroken. I felt like I had had so many years of my life that were just gone and thrown away almost and so that was really difficult for me. I couldn’t comprehend, I mean my parents have been married for more than thirty years, and so I didn’t come from a divorced home, and so for me, that was really hard to accept and so when I had to move back into my parents’ home, it really felt like a demotion in life. You know, I had bought my own home already, and so I had already like progressed, and here I am having to take a step backward, and it was almost like, I asked myself if this is a demotion in life, why is this happening? And I was in my thirties and moving back with your parents when you’re in your thirties I mean that’s kind of embarrassing. And so, I just felt a little lost at that time, and it wasn’t until two years later or down the line that I realized that moving back into my parents’ home was actually a blessing for me because that was the best place that I needed to be when I was in that darkness, you know. Being in my childhood bedroom, it kind of helped me to reset. You know, when I was in the sixth grade, I stuck these glow in the dark stars in my ceiling. And you know being a kid I would make all these wishes on every single one of those stars, my big dreams that I had and what I wanted to do. And when I had to move back into my childhood bedroom, those stars, my mum never took them down, they were still up there, and so that’s exactly what I needed to see. I needed to see that my dreams were still out there and that I was able to still have them, even though I had to come home and reset and get back to remembering who I am as a person. I could still be somebody, and I could still accomplish my dreams, and so, actually, it turned out that I was very lucky to be living with my parents who are the most supportive people in my life. And going back to that bedroom which was embarrassing at first but now in hindsight, I am like wow, I’m really lucky.
Wow! That’s just phenomenal. You were in a dark place, but you didn’t stay in that dark place for too long because like you’ve already explained, you saw the glow in the dark stars, and they reminded you of the wishes and the dreams that you had as a child. So please tell us when exactly, at what point, did it dawn on you that your dreams were still out there? When did that turning point come?
Sure. So, I moved back into my parents’ home, in September of 2015, and it wasn’t until many months later, you know everybody has a new year’s resolution, and everybody wants to change their mindset and I remember thinking, when it came to the new year’s eve, I can’t live like this forever. I can’t be upset and down on myself forever. You know, there were many nights when I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t want my daughter to see that and many times my parents literally hugged me so that I could just feel comforted but it was I would say, a good eight-month time frame, of feeling lost, of feeling ashamed, of feeling heartbroken because I didn’t actually start my Master’s in Public Administration programme until May of 2016. So basically what had happened was the start of the year I kind of had this realization that I needed to change, I needed to change my mindset because if I did not change my mindset, I was not going to progress. I was not going to get out of that slump I was in. I really had to start focusing on bettering myself and empowering myself, and so I always wanted to go to grad school, I always wanted to get my master’s degree and so I said, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to do this for myself. Because I am living at my parents’ home, they can help me with my daughter while I go to school, and so I have this amazing opportunity to take advantage of, and so I said I’m going to go to grad school, I’m going to better myself. And that’s when I really felt empowered again. I felt intelligent. It’s exactly what I needed because that eight-month time frame of feeling heartbroken that is like a lifetime, you know. I was so down on myself for so long, and there were days I remembered not even wanting to get out of bed. And I even questioned my worth at times and wondered why did I deserve to feel that level of emotional pain? But you know it didn’t last forever, and it quickly started to shift as I changed my mindset. And so I truly believe that I had to start thinking a different way and stop feeling bad and sorry for myself and so I had to figure out how I can better myself and so going back to grad school was the first step for me.
Wow! That is amazing! I find that many times when people are faced with adversity, they ask the question, why me? I have been there, and I have asked that question. And you just said you asked the same question, now, in hindsight, why do you think you went through that experience?
I know I needed that darkness to be re-aligned with the woman God wanted me to be. You know, it was a period of growth for me, and it helped me to get back on track with my own goals. During that time, I was like why me; I don’t understand this, I can’t comprehend this, now I understand, you know. I am a different person, hundred percent and my mental strength is different, I don’t get upset that easy, I find ways to quickly take a negative situation and flip it into a positive. You know, how can I take something that’s so bad and change it and make it even a little bit positive because everybody goes through a terrible time in their life. And so, I really believe it was that mental strength and being able to, even when you have a terrible situation find positive in it. You can find something good out of it because that’s what’s going to keep you going when you know there’s still some good, there’s still some positive that can come out of this, and that mindset really helped me and now helps me more even today. Everything I go through still, I’m just a different person, so I’ve learnt so much about who I am because of my divorce and the hardships that it brought. And had I not gone through that I don’t know that I would ever have that mental toughness or the ability to not get upset over something so minor. My mum always says don’t sweat the small stuff. Before I would never do that, now, it’s like I’ve experienced so much and so many difficult, really difficult, moments in my life that now I don’t worry so much as I used to.
So, everything has worked together for your good.
Yes, definitely, I’m happier I feel free, I feel like I can be who I’m meant to be. I’m an awesome role model for my daughter. You know, I don’t know that I can really find any negative situation or any negative element, component if you will, out of this other than that eight-month time frame when I felt so alone and so ashamed of who I was, even though now I know that I needed to go through that. Other than that I don’t see anything negative out of the situation now, whereas, in the moment I didn’t think I could go on, I didn’t know how I would go on.
Amazing! Leia, following your divorce, you went to get a master’s degree, which was something that you had always wanted and then you landed this job that you have now as a Public Information Officer at Douglas County Nebraska. If your marriage had not ended, is this the path you had planned, or did you have a different path planned?
It’s definitely the path that I had planned. I always wanted to go back to grad school to get my master’s degree. It was always a dream of mine, but I know that I definitely wouldn’t have been able to accomplish that if I were still married and not that it can’t be done, I mean any woman who’s married can definitely go get her master’s degree but in my situation, I could not. And that’s because there was too much going on in my life when I was married that my educational goals could not be a priority for me. And mainly because I was in such an unhealthy marriage that my focus had to be elsewhere, I was trying to figure out how to make a broken marriage work that the last thing I could think about was racking up student loans and going to grad school. You know it wasn’t reachable for me, it didn’t feel like I could do it because I was just so caught up in the day-to-day of trying to mend a broken marriage. And I probably would also still be in my former job if I were married. Because of my divorce, I had to find a stable career that I knew could provide me with the financial stability as a single mother. So, I was already looking for something a little bit more, you know. Better benefits, better pay and just a promotion, you know. I was looking for that promotion and had I not gone through the divorce I don’t know that I would have, mainly because I was just so, like I said, stuck in that day-to-day living and just trying to make things work. And just trying to get by but I wasn’t able to really push myself or challenge myself to be a better woman. And post-divorce, now that I am a single mother, I mean that was like the number one priority, that let’s find a career where I know that I can have that financial stability and so that’s exactly why I applied for the job, and I am truly blessed and grateful for that opportunity.
What are some of the challenges that you had to face when your marriage came to an end and how did you overcome them?
Yeah. So I lost a lot of friends, you know like mutual friends that I had with my ex-husband, and I was also dealing with the shame of divorce like I said I didn’t come from a family of divorce, so I felt like I had failed. And that was something that really weighed on my heart because growing up in a religious home and believing that marriage is very sacred you know that was the hardest part for me because I felt like I had failed. But then also all the gossip, everybody wants to talk about oh, did you hear so and so got divorced? And so just dealing with all of that negativity was really hard on me and the overcoming didn’t happen right away, sometimes it still bothers me that I don’t talk to some of the friends that I had before. But again it goes back to that mindset of having that mental toughness and being positive even in a negative situation because I still have wonderful people in my life and I kind of think of it as the people who are meant to be in my life are in my life, right? And so I have to be really grateful for those wonderful people who are there. And as far as the feeling of shame and feeling like a failure, that just eases over time. Because now, like we talked about in hindsight, now that I know that I needed to go through all of this to get where I am, I am okay with feeling bad or feeling like I had failed because had I not felt like that maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now. And then the gossip, there’s always going to be gossipers right? (she laughs) Like I said before I used to care so much about what people would say about me or think about me and now I’m just like you know, we all have problems, we all go through things, no one is perfect so why do we sit here and judge each other? And I’m really really passionate about lifting other women and empowering other women, and I feel like if somebody who is my friend or supposed friend wants to gossip about my life and my divorce, that’s their problem, that’s an issue with them right? That’s not an issue with me any longer. And so I’ve just learnt to brush all that off, and again it just comes with the growth, the who I am post-divorce. I don’t let the little stuff bother me so much anymore.
Awesome. I was going to ask what blessings came with your adversity, but I think you’ve already mentioned that. So how did going back to school help you get back on your feet? In other words, if you hadn’t gone back to school would you have been able to get back on your feet and be where you are today?
Yeah. I think that if I had not gone back to school, I’d still eventually get back on my feet regardless of whatever path I chose but going back to school and going back to grad school was an empowering experience for me because I felt intelligent during my courses, I felt great. And here I am in classes where people don’t necessarily know me, and they’re looking up to me; I help them to I guess feel better about themselves you know what I mean? So, it was a nice experience for me because I felt better about myself and that was important for me to be able to feel good about myself again. You know, for so long I was so down and out, and I didn’t feel like my normal self, and so I had to empower myself and education has always been to me a priority. It’s something that my parents have instilled in me you know, that no matter what, education is key, and education is so important. I still feel that way, and so it just gave me the opportunity to really flourish during a time when most people would just continue to be down on themselves. And that was, the schooling was great, to be more educated and everything. But more so it made me feel good about myself, that here I am, I’m going to better myself in a time when everybody thinks I should be down, I’m going to do something completely positive in a completely negative situation, and that’s how I continue to live my life.
Wow! So, going back to school gave you a self-esteem boost, which you needed at the time?
Oh yeah, I needed that so much. Then once I graduated, actually when I applied for the job that I have now, I was in my grad school programme, and so that was key for me getting that job it was kind of like a blessing it kind of worked out, it was perfect timing, the hiring committee thought that it was impressive that I was getting my master’s in public administration at the time considering that it was a government job, so it also gave me that boost too you know in a career standpoint where it gave me that promotion and that financial stability that I needed so much as a single mother.
Great. So, what skills, experiences, and or lessons did you take away from your season of adversity which are now necessary or required for the position you occupy today?
The mental toughness, just being able to not let small things bother me, not let a person’s attitude bother me. If someone’s having a bad day, that negativity or their kind of attitude can affect you if you let it and so I’ve learnt to be tough in that aspect mentally and not let those small things bother me, and that’s huge because that’s not always how I was before. When I was younger I was more of a reactor, I would react right away I wouldn’t think about things beforehand, and now I think about things beforehand. I try to think strategically. I try to think critically of how my actions would affect others and how my actions would impact me and so I’m a completely different person, and my friends could tell you the same, that like wow, that’s impressive, you know. But also, trusting God’s plan and just knowing that my faith is my rock and always has been. And it’s kind of interesting because I’ve always kind of had that mentality of never give up just keep going, and you can always accomplish your dreams no matter what. But you know I never truly understood that until I went through this and I say that because I had never really had that moment of I want to give up or this is it for me, or I am at the bottom. You know when they say you hit your rock bottom I never had been there. And so until I was there now I really take that into account, wow, never giving up is so powerful. It’s so much powerful than it seems and it’s so much more powerful when you experience something so dark and something so difficult emotionally, and it is how I live. Even though things don’t work out, it doesn’t mean it’s not going to work out forever, so you’ve just got to keep trying and so believing in yourself is key as well, and that’s a skill that I think a lot of people forget. We expect other people and our friends to believe in us, but we often forget to believe in ourselves, and I think that’s so important because when you start to believe in yourself you carry yourself differently and you have the confidence in yourself unlike when just your friends and your family can believe in you. And so I think people need to start with that anytime they’re faced with that adversity because we can rely on other people to believe in us but if we don’t believe in ourselves, we will never get to where we want to go.
That is so true. Thank you for sharing that. Leia, you have a very inspiring story that needs to be told and that a lot of women need to hear. So, in what ways are you using your story, your journey, to help other women?
Well, I have kind of already been a mentor (she laughs) to many of my friends who have experienced divorce since I’ve been divorced. A good friend of mine, she kind of went through this probably like a year after me, and I kind of joke with her that I am her therapist (more laughter) because I’ve been through every step she went through. I’ve been through all those different phases, you know, the shame, the emotional stage, and then trying to dig yourself out of that emotional stage to move on. And so I’ve been through all those steps, and so I know exactly what she’s going through. And I have helped a lot of my friends already which is nice, but since my commencement speech was aired on Goal Cast, I am also now answering all these messages on social media from random strangers (she laughs) which is actually pretty interesting, and I actually love it. People are inspired by my story, and I appreciate that, but they’re also wanting just to hear, okay so how did you handle this? What would you say about that? And I am more than willing to share my story because I feel like I have a reason to be here and I have a work to do, and I believe that I am here to help people and if my story can help just one person I would forever be grateful. I remember after my commencement speech, I walked down from the stage that day, a lady, who was sitting my row she also had graduated, was crying and she grabbed my hand and she said, I wasn’t going to come today because I’m going through a divorce and I didn’t have someone to take care of my son. And she was like, I’m so glad I came today because I heard your story. She was like, I’m never going to give up. She was like this is exactly what I needed to hear, and so that moment for me I was so happy because I was like that’s all that I want to do, I just want to help one person and now to know that millions of people are seeing this speech, you know a lot of people are feeling inspired by my story it’s truly a blessing and I feel like probably another reason why I had to go through that valley is to get to where I am now and to help other people.
Yes. Yes. Definitely to help other people. What do you find most fulfilling about your life today?
I think that I’m pretty proud of the fact that I am a single mother who owns her own home who can pay my own bills who can do everything I want on my own. I’ve always had a relationship in the past and even before I was married I was in another relationship, and I’ve always had these long-term relationships and to actually know that I can do this on my own, that I can be a single mother and that I can be accomplished I can be a role model for women is really fulfilling for me considering everything that I’ve been through in the past. I know that I can get through anything. I know that no matter what obstacles are thrown my way that I’ve been at the lowest of the lows, and I’ve rebounded, and so I know that nothing can stop me from achieving my goals and with that kind of mindset, positive mindset and always giving a hundred percent and never giving up. So what makes me feel great is that I can do it, and I know that I can do it because I’ve already done it.
Yes. You have done it! Awesome!
Thank you so much.
Leia, I find that a lot of women are not able to recover from a divorce, but you have recovered. Now, for those women who are not able to recover and at best become a shadow of their former selves, what are they missing? What is it that you have that they don’t have?
I think I touched on this a little bit, but I think the key has to be believing in yourself. You know, no matter what obstacles are thrown at us, we will never progress, we will never get out of that, we will never overcome those until we can believe in ourselves and know that we can do that. I know that my faith, my faith is as strong as it’s ever been and that’s because I hit that darkness and often times people say you don’t pray until you actually need prayers and I can attest to that a little bit. I have always been religious, but I can attest to that relationship with God. My relationship with God is stronger now than it’s ever been because my faith is what kept me going, my faith and that belief that everything’s going to be okay, and you’re going to get through this valley is what kept me hanging on. And I think every woman, regardless of religion, regardless of what their faith is, I think a woman needs to have that, that belief that everything’s going to be okay in addition to believing in yourself. And I would say that I’ve always been very competitive, right? And so like, I just always have this ambition to never lose, and if I would give up I would be losing and what would that do? I would not be a good role model for my daughter. I would not be a good role model for my friends. I didn’t want to lose. And so I felt like success was the best way for me to overcome any of this because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. And so how else am I going to be successful? Well, you can start by going back to grad school. You can start by getting your dream job. And so as soon as I started to think about all those things, it was amazing, and I was like wow, I can really do this! Because I have this in my mindset that I’m going to do this, and I’m going to do it and so I just truly wanted to at the end of the day prove to my daughter and prove to my family that no matter what setbacks come our way, they don’t actually have to set us back. If we believe in ourselves, we can overcome anything.
Thank you for sharing that with us, Leia. How can people contact you?
So, they can follow me on Twitter, my Twitter handle is @Leiabaez, or they’re more than welcome to email me, and my email address is leiabaez26@gmail.com.
