At 16 years of age, Philicia Baugh Pringle became a mother. She was shattered and embarrassed but resolved to care for her baby. She experienced a world that was mean and words that were unkind but rose with a decision to commit to being who she was, unapologetically. She shook the shame, shared her journey and began to serve others. Philicia says, “When I was 16 years old, I sat in a Medicaid office in Charleston, South Carolina. Ashamed and broken I held on tight to a new-born baby. My new-born baby. A sweet boy oblivious to how cruel the world would be to us. A woman sat across from me, assuming she owned the desk, she began to shuffle papers and type with accuracy. She never spoke a word to me or allowed her eyes to meet mine. A voice yelled out from the other room “Are we doing lunch today?” and she replied, “I can’t, I got another one of THEM in here!”
In that very moment, my world changed forever. I don’t recall the rest of the interview because I was so busy fighting back the tears. I held on to my son. Completely unaware of how hot the fire of life would really be. And believe me, we burnt. But from the ashes, I rose. I rose with an uncommon grace and certainty. I rose with two very defining powers. The Power of Commitment. The Power of Words. I first decided to commit to being Who I Am, unapologetically. I shook the shame. I shared my journey. I began serving others. Secondly, I intentionally declared my words would do no harm to others. Every word that ever broke me down would be restructured to build someone up. Through this exploration of my powers, that was so very well defined for me; I lived in silence. I lacked the confidence needed to speak about this power in a room full of people. Then I met a man in a coffee shop. He was completely committed to being himself, unapologetically and faithfully committed to using his words for good. In a conversation, he took me to the highest point of Mount Me…and pushed me. I married him, and we’ve been flying powerfully ever since. I am a new Bride, Mother, Writer, Speaker, Advocate, and Entrepreneur. I invite you to follow me on this journey where the powerless are empowered. The weak will become strong where shame will live no more! With Love, Philicia Baugh Pringle, EdS, MS, BS, BS-HSP, NMLO.”
Now, read the interview with Philicia, and we both hope that you will be inspired to rise out of the ashes and fly!
Hello Philicia. You are an amazing woman, and it’s just wonderful to be able to chat with you today and learn about your journey.
Oh wow! Your words bring joy to my heart. Thank you.
Great. Please tell us a little bit about yourself. Who is Philicia Baugh Pringle?
So, it’s interesting. I always love that question, and I hate it at the same time. How funny is that? I think it creates this vulnerability sometimes it’s really hard to answer. But I have learned that through the process of becoming me I am different now from who I was in the past. So if you asked me ten years ago, who are you? I would say, I don’t know let me get back to you. And then if you asked me five years ago, I would probably have said, I’ve taken some walks with her let me figure her out, and I’ll get back to you. But I think finally now, reaching the place where I am when someone asks who I am, I tell them, that I am the one who did the work that I get to keep the credit for. I did the work, and now I get to keep the credit for it. That’s who I’ve become. And I say that to say that I was a high school dropout and I now have a doctoral level degree in education. I was a pregnant teenager living in a group home, and now I have investment properties because I’ve learned a few things. Not because I’ve become extremely wealthy but because I’ve learned somethings that weren’t necessarily taught to me when I was younger, and so now I’m growing to be really proud of my educational journey throughout all of this as well. I was a single parent for a number of years, and I look back on that moment, and I relish in who I am now because I’m a whole woman and I have the option to serve as someone’s wife and to rear and love children as someone’s mum, you know? I think last, but not least when I put that into perspective of who I am now, I say that I used to be an employee that didn’t have ambition, at all, there was no drive, behind what I did for work, and now I consider myself to be a paver. I am paving the roads for those that will come behind me. Very simply put I am a lot of things but more than anything, I am growth because I am that person that did the work and now, I keep the credit for it.
Wow! That’s the most exciting definition of oneself I have ever heard. That’s powerful!
(She laughs) I am learning to get there. I am learning to get there for sure.
Great! I like the way you describe yourself. I like the way you define who you are. I mean, that’s just phenomenal!
Oh, thank you. For me, I have to break things down into bite size pieces and if I can break it down so that I can feel it and relate to it then maybe I can explain it to someone else so that they can feel it, relate to it, maybe take some of those chunks and nuggets for themselves. So, I think that’s where that definition comes from, my ability to break it down into pieces that I can manage and then hopefully when I share it those who consume it can manage it and digest it as well.
Yes. Awesome. Philicia, let’s talk about your journey with your baby. You had a baby when you were sixteen. Please share with us that experience. What was it like for you?
So, my baby, the baby that changed my life, is now 21 and there’s no doubt that while I raised him, he raised me. There were some places in my life that prior to him, I was extremely broken. I grew up in a single parent home; my mum was a very hard worker, the most amazing woman I’ve yet to meet, and I have four brothers. I did not have a father in the home, and so when I look back at it, I think some of these steps may have been that lost little girl that was looking for the connection, the understanding, the acceptance, the embrace of what a father figure could have given. When I was fifteen, I met a man that was seven years my senior and he presented to me all of the things that perhaps I was lacking from a father figure, if you will, the attention, the love, the investment, if you will, in time and that sort of thing. And very quickly on, I just wanted to be a pleaser and got pregnant, and the relationship or what I thought could be a relationship did not last very long thereafter. It was not what I had imagined for myself, and I remember being in the bathroom with my mum and she was holding my pregnancy test, and she looked at me, and she said, what are we going to do? Not you, what are we going to do? And I responded I’m going to keep this baby. And she said, okay. And it was terrifying, but I had always had the support of my mother. The look in her eyes, I can tell, and I still see her face as I talk to you about this. She was very disappointed, but my mother had also been a teen mother, so I think she understood as well, but that was the beginning of my journey. I think back, and I see sketchy pieces of that relationship, and I vividly remember that moment with my mother, making that decision that was ultimately going to impact my entire family, my mother my brothers the way our lives was functioning, it was going to change. From that moment on, it was going to change, and I was terrified.
I can imagine. So, in what ways did having your baby at 16 impact your life and the lives of your siblings and your mother?
I think looking back at it; the first impact was obviously the visual, I was growing. I was very petite, didn’t weigh a whole lot so it didn’t take long for me to start showing and my body to start changing. And so, I think immediately, that reality set in that this is real, and this is happening I can see it. So mentally some things started to happen as well. Not only did I have to mature a lot quicker than the average 15-year-old, but I really feel that as my body began to swell so did the amount of shame I carried and consumed. The bigger I got, the more ashamed of the situation I was in. And I think when I look back at how it affected my family, already growing up in a single-parent home, things were already tight; meals were stretched as much as possible, bills were paid as soon as we could, that type of thing. And here I am, adding, this financial, burden to our family. And I think that was what I resented myself most for because I felt like I had just put, my whole family in a new kind of a bind. It was definitely a life-changing, life-altering thing, but mentally, I withdrew. I wanted to be punished, I wanted someone to tell me how horrible I was and I held a lot in. And so I do equate that to my memories of as my belly grew so many of these ugly feelings that I had towards myself and the situation – never towards my baby but always self-inflicted on the way I felt about myself.
So, what challenges did you face as a teen mum and how did you overcome these challenges?
You know I have to say that the biggest challenge that I faced after having him would have been a personal struggle of my own and that would be that I had this inability to find worth in myself and appreciate the value that I had. I was very small, when I say small I mean emotionally, mentally. I was just broken down to such small fragments that I didn’t see any value in myself for a very long time. I didn’t see any worth in myself for a very long time. I had always felt like I was a great mum but I didn’t feel like I was a great person. And that plagued me for quite some time that I just couldn’t seem to get it right internally to where I could come to grips with who I had become, how I had gotten there and this little person that I was responsible for.
Let’s talk about your defining moment. You had a defining moment shortly after having your baby, and that caused you to embrace the power of commitment and the power of words. Please share with us that defining moment and how the power of commitment and the power of words have impacted your life and the lives of others.
Absolutely. When I was pregnant with my son, I lived in a group home. And I actually made the decision to go and live in this group home. I wanted to punish myself as I said and I didn’t want my family to be responsible for the burden I had created. And so I actually called this group home. In their earlier days, they were a place where a young mum would go and have a baby and put the baby up for adoption, and they would return home almost as if nothing had happened as far as the world could see. The home had evolved by the time I had gotten there, and we had options. And so, I moved into that home I guess in February of 1997, and at that time they gave us the option, do you want to keep your baby, do you want to put your baby up for adoption? We had all these counsellors there; it was a great place to be in that moment in time for me. And so, I moved into this home, and they also provided schooling, and they provided access to medical care for us. And I would not be who I am today had I not gone through that journey, and they are included in that journey for me when I speak about this journey. But I remember them starting us up at a clinic, and after we had our babies, we had to get off the house plan for medical insurance, and we had to go out and seek our own. And I remember having my baby and taking him with me to apply for government assisted medical insurance. And I sat in this Medicaid office and finally my name was called, and I went and sat at a desk with a woman who did not acknowledge me. And I held my son, and she typed, and she worked, and she did not make eye contact with me, she did not greet me when I sat there, and I think the longer I sat there, the smaller I felt. Again, here I am feeling just so small in myself and someone called out from the back to this lady and said, hey, are we going to lunch today? And she didn’t even look at me, and she replied, I can’t I’ve got another one of them sitting in here. It stripped me. It completely stripped me because whatever it was, I didn’t want to be that. Whatever she was referring to, maybe a statistic, I don’t know, whatever it was I didn’t want to be that, and I never wanted to be called that again. And I remember getting through that interview process and fighting back the tears, and I had a lump in my throat, and I held onto my baby so tight because I didn’t want him to feel the energy in that room that made me feel so small. And I remember leaving that appointment knowing in my core two things; there was a power in committing to doing what you set out to do, and there was also a power in the words that we speak. And that moment was so defining for me because I was deciding to commit to things that were going to make my life better. And I was deciding to only use my words to do good unto others because I knew I could use my words to hurt people as this woman had done to me or I could use my words to heal people as I wish she had done to me. And so I have taken that course of this journey. I’ve committed to doing a lot of things that I’m very proud to have succeeded in. And I also commit to speaking because I know that my story is not an individual story it’s not as unique as people might think it is, it’s not rare, it’s just my vocals behind the words of someone else’s story.
Thank you for sharing that Philicia. Without any doubt, being a teen mum wasn’t something that you planned it wasn’t a path that you chose. If that had not happened what path would you have taken? What path did you already have planned?
Let me respond by saying that I don’t seek to glorify teen parenting, young parenting, or single parenting. I don’t condone it. I’ve spoken to girls all the time that have questioned me about when will I know that I am ready, I ]’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years now and I’m 19, and I want to have a baby with him. How will I know when I’m ready? I never condone that they go out and have a baby, but it happened to me. But I have to say I still believe in my heart that I didn’t choose this path, this path chose me. Had I not gone through the things that I went through, I wouldn’t be who I am today. With that said, I have to say, had I not had my son, I still see my life looking very similar to what it looks like now because my son didn’t necessarily hold me back he inspired me. Even with my son, I completed a bachelors degree, a masters degree, a doctoral level degree. When I went in to get my GED I had just made it through ninth grade and getting ready to go into my tenth-grade year. Having had my son, I still travelled to Mexico and lived in a convent with nuns, and I studied Liberation Theology because I knew I went through that for something. That journey was not in vain. Every element of surprise, every moment of disbelief, it all happened for a reason, even if that reason is so that I can come back and be the voice of reason. If I could help someone who is judgemental be more rational. Everything I went through was for a reason, and so I think had I not had my son, I’d still be on this same journey it just would have been a different route, but I still would have ended up in the same destination. I believe that.
So, what lessons did you take away from the experience and what effect have those lessons had on you thus far?
Oh, I think the biggest lesson that I learned definitely has to be my little catchphrase thing, it won’t always be easy, but I can promise you it will be worth it. There have been challenging days but some of my most rewarding days have come at the end of a long dark night, and I think that was the biggest lesson, that if you can just hang on till the morning light, troubles don’t last always. And I believe that. I hold on to that, and I share that everywhere that I go because I’ve seen those breakthroughs that come when the sun rises. So I would have to say that the biggest experience that I’ve gotten from this is that trouble doesn’t last always and we go into things with a level of uncertainty, and sometimes we find joy immediately and sometimes we have to go through. But at the end of the day, almost always, it’s going to be worth it. It’s always going to be worth it.
Very well, said. In what ways are you using your journey to serve other women, especially teen mums?
So, I started out very early on being a contributor for Teen Pregnancy Prevention Campaign when I was in South Carolina and really had the ability to connect with young mums who had questions or felt that they were not worthy or felt that smallness that I felt. I think it means a lot to someone who’s going through something when you can identify and relate with someone who’s already been there. So, I think for me, just sharing my story, sharing my journey in hopes that it can empower and inspire other mums has been a big part of what I’ve been doing. I definitely feel like I had to get to a place where I was courageous enough to do this because you are going to always have people that are negative. They have negative things to say, and they send negative energies your way without fully understanding how someone got into the situation that they are in. And so, I spend a lot of my time trying to not only empower single parents and young parents to just get up the next day and keep going, but I also do a lot in the way of educating. Because my journey has not been easy, I have learned a lot, and so if I can help somebody in their parenting endeavours, I absolutely want to do that as well. I’ve got three children now, and so I can relate to raising boys, I can relate to raising girls, I can relate to the tough times, the easy times, and I try to just distribute that wherever I can.
That’s awesome. So, how do you feel knowing that you were able to surmount a trying period in your life and that your story will inspire people whenever and wherever it is shared?
I feel that I’ve been positioned to do a service for others. That’s all this is. This is removing me from the equation and serving others. If my story can help someone through the night, it doesn’t even have to be forever. If I can help you through the night, if I can empower you through the day then I have done service at least at night I can say well done. I’m still awed at times that little ol’ me has the capability and the reach that I’ve grown to have because I still don’t feel that my story is unique. It’s not one of a kind, but I was led down the path that I was and went through the journey that I did because my voice was supposed to share my story, share my journey, and that’s what I’m doing, that’s all. If at the end of the day I could tell my story to someone and it helps them get through a difficult patch then I’ve done a good work.
Now, I’m going to ask you another question, and I think that you’ve answered it, but I would still like to hear you answer it so humour me. Would you say that the experience of being a teen mum helped you discover the woman that you are and that perhaps it was necessary for you to go on that journey?
Absolutely. My journey made me who I am. I don’t know what I would talk to you today about had I not gone through, the things that I went through
Yes, I don’t know what I would ask you if you hadn’t gone through those things.
(laughter)
It completely made me who I am. The stretch marks, the scars, the bruises, that no one can see, those are the things that help me relate to others. It’s those things that make me non-judgmental. It’s those things that make me compassionate. I can’t imagine where I would be had my life not gone the way it has. It was uniquely designed for me. This life was uniquely designed for me. And there were times when I questioned, why me? Why am I alone? Why am I abandoned? Why am I hurt? Why am I in this situation? I’ve questioned that, and I can’t tell anyone that I haven’t because this journey has not always been easy, but it’s been worth it. And through the process of becoming me, of discovering who I am, I even complained differently, if you will. (she laughs) Because I no longer ask why me? But I can say, you know what? I was chosen for this because the universe knew I was strong enough. God knew I could get through this. There are some that do not make it through the night. There are some single parents that say, I can’t do this anymore and they leave this earth. But God knew I could survive, and I could come back and tell the story, and I could save some other people along the way, and that’s why. So, it’s in my DNA that this was the journey for me and I wouldn’t change a thing, couldn’t change a thing.
So, given what you know now, what would you say to your 16-year-old pregnant self?
The best is yet to come. When I was 16, I was very, very lonely and I remember being in my room at the group home, I graduated into having what we called the solo room, so I didn’t share a room with several other girls. I had a room that was a little bit bigger than a walk-in closet with twin beds and a night dresser and a lamp. And I would go into my room and talk to my baby. And I would tell him that we were all we had and that we were going to get through this and it was a very, very lonely time for me. And if I knew then what I know now I would have told myself, you’re going to be okay because the best is yet to come. Because it’s ingrained in me that whether you’re a double parent or a single parent, there’s an element of that sort of parenting that stays with you, and I still have them with me, but the caveat to that is that I have an amazing husband now. And I remember when we first got married, and we’ve been together almost five glorious years now. But when we first got married, I would tell him that my biggest fear was that he would leave one day for work and not come back. Not because something would happen, I just had that fear of being abandoned, and so I would watch him leave for work every morning, and in my mind, I’d say, God, please make sure that he decides to come back. And it took me a while to fully embrace the type of love that he was able to give to me because I’ve never felt that kind of love before. I had no idea what it looked like and what it would feel like. And so living in this kind of moments now with a complete family, with a head of a household and a man that prays for me and covers me, I would look back at my 16-year-old self and say, girl, please, don’t even worry about it, the best is yet to come.
Wow! That’s awesome! What advice do you have for the teen who is about to become a mother and feels that her dreams have come to an end and that she can’t be the woman that she hoped to be, and would have to settle for less?
I would say to her one of the things that my mother said to me, and it still burns in my soul today; my dear, you are not the first, and you will not be the last. In a situation like this, you have to brush yourself off pick yourself completely up and keep moving forward. I didn’t completely understand what my mother meant by that when she said it, but after getting into the world, and seeing the type of shame that’s passed upon young mothers and single mothers, again without taking the time to understand how they got into the situation, I know now what she meant. The world, people, were going to knock me down, and it was going to be me who had to make the decision to pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep going because I wasn’t the first and I wouldn’t be the last. My dreams were only just beginning because now I had this twinkle little star that was going to light the way for me. That was my inspiration, and so if anybody ever tells you-you’re not good enough, it’s because they’re not confident in themselves. I would tell any mother that is expecting or has a new baby, light up the sky with your beauty show the world that you can still shine brighter and not give up on yourself or your dreams. Do that for your baby.
Great! Thank you for sharing that. You serve as a Cumberland County Guardian ad Litem, advocating for abused and neglected children in your community. What difference have you made in this role and what do you find most fulfilling about being able to help vulnerable children?
I think the question might be what difference has this role made in my life? (she laughs) Because these children have been an anchor of hope and continuance for me. I currently serve as a guardian ad litem, and so I work as a court advocate for abused and neglected children here in my county, and these children range from physical abuse to sexual abuse to mental abuse. They’ve been removed from their home most of the time, and I show up when they need me, I advocate for them in court, I am their voice. And it varies depending on the number of children I would advocate for at any given time. I’ve had as many as 16 children on my hug list if you will, but when I say what they do for me, I remember one of the children that I was advocating for, and she was about 14 at the time. And she would call me and say, I need to see you, I need to see you, I need to see you, and I’ll go, okay I’ll be there tomorrow and quickly show up at her school. And when I get there, I’d be so concerned and want to know what’s wrong and what’s going on and she’d say, I just wanted to see you today. And I grew to appreciate that she just wanted to know that in the event that she needed me, I’d be available. And so it put a smile on my heart to get those phone calls from her and to be able to love and pour into them that way.
Wow! You’re an amazing woman! Let’s talk briefly about The Baugh Agency which you started to help business owners gain publicity that they require to grow their business. So, how did this come about and what has been your most rewarding project to date?
Well, The Baugh Agency actually came about as the afterbirth, if you will, of a non-profit transitional home for homeless mothers with newborn babies that I founded in Charleston South Carolina back in 2010. The home was named after my daughter, Jayden, and it was the first transitional home of its kind in the area. And I got pretty savvy at figuring out the non-profit sector if you will. Grant writing, promotion, communications pieces, things of that nature, putting together a board of directors, the day-to-day operations of the home, things like that. So fast forward, I was still doing this sort of work as a hobby for local non-profits in the area that did not have a big budget to get these things done. So I created a partnership with the College of Charleston, and through The Baugh Agency, we would use internship programmes that would allow students to give back to the community and gain real-life experience working for a non-profit in their field of study. Most of them were business majors and marketing majors. And so The Baugh Agency was formed out of service and connecting college students that were fresh and savvy and had so much to offer to non-profit organisations that did not have the budget but needed the services. So, again it was just an act of kindness, if you will, to share my gift and connect the gift of others. From there, I partnered with my now husband who has nearly twenty years of experience in the non-profit sector, and who’s now an executive director. And he does the leadership training, and it just felt like a match made in heaven because we were still able to fit into the non-profit. But we’ve also ventured out, and we service for-profit businesses as well that are interested in communications, team building, management training and those sort of things in the startup and continuation of their projects. So we get to help businesses, and we just love it that much more when we’re helping a business that caters to the community.
That sounds very exciting! How can people contact you if they want to know more about you and what you do?
Absolutely, well I do hope that everyone will consider following me on social media site. Philicia Baugh Pringle on Facebook, but also on YouTube, Philicia Baugh Pringle and Twitter and Instagram. And please take some time to visit our website, www.thebaughagency.com. There’s lots more information there. As for speaking and that kind of thing, I’d love to connect with communities that could benefit from the services that we’re offering.
