Anika Stewart is our DOZ Show Preferred Guest for this issue of DOZ Magazine. When two gunmen entered her house in the middle of the night and bound her up, Anika came face to face with death. At that moment, she chose life. That singular choice would give her the strength to leave behind years of drug addiction and drug peddling and move forward to a better experience for herself and her children. The journey would not be easy, but in the end, it would be worth it.
Lady Anika Stewart is currently the founder and CEO of Embracing Your Inner Woman. She is also an author, Christian Life Coach, Inspirational Speaker, and Founder of the I’m Every Woman Conference. She empowers a community of women to embrace their journey of transformation and live a purpose-driven lifestyle. Many women have been inspired by her story of overcoming drug addiction, domestic violence, separation in marriage and single parenting. Anika seeks to be an example to women of all diversities.
In this interview she shares her journey of transforming her life from drug addiction and violence to a successful CEO. Be inspired to transform your life!
You share your journey to inspire women, and a very vital part of that journey is overcoming drug addiction. When and how were you first introduced to drugs?
I was introduced to drugs at the age of ten. And I honestly was in a place to where I was curious and instead of me being a leader, and not succumbing to what I was introduced to, I decided to try it, just give it a try. So, I am ten years old, and the first substance I try was marijuana and alcohol, and cigarette. But what people don’t understand is even though it starts with just curiosity or let me just be social about trying different substances, it can lead to addiction, which is something that you cannot control, it controls you. So, at the age of ten, I began to experiment with those substances, which led me to addiction, and my addicted lifestyle is what led me to other challenging moments in my life, such as domestic violence and relationships that were very toxic to a place of low self-esteem. So, my drug addiction led to so many different other avenues in my life that are beneficial for today; they’re able to help me to be impactful to women. So that’s where it started.
How did you overcome this addiction?
So, I often tell my story about how – imagine yourself, you and your three or four-year-old son at that time coming home and I am preparing my children for bed, and now we’re sleeping and two masked gunmen enter your home and enter your room and demand that you get out of your bed and lay prostrate on the floor and they had two shotguns. Imagine that for a moment. That was what was happening to me, and that was in 2017. Due to my lifestyle of drug addiction, due to me not just using drugs but I was selling drugs and so due to my lifestyle that happened to me, and in that moment, my life changed forever. Due to that traumatic experience of me being bound – I was literally tied up, my legs and my hands were tied up, my mouth was gagged and duct-taped and I was in a place of surrendering. I was vulnerable, and the only thing I can remember in that moment, was asking my God, to intervene. If you just allow me to get another chance at life, I’ll do something different. And so I began to chant, I choose to live, I choose to live, and they literally just left the room, just left me there. They left the room, and I am alive today to tell that story, and that’s what changed me.
That must have been a very traumatic experience.
Yes. It was. Because I was in a place where I was like, Lord, please don’t allow my children to enter in my room and see me like this, don’t allow my children to be hurt in any way. So, that changed my life.
I think something serious had to happen to wake you up; to make you make that decision and never look back.
And that’s what happened for me. In that moment, I was faced with death, literally. I made a choice intentionally saying that I choose to live, and I don’t know what it looked like to live outside of what I’ve become accustomed to, but I was willing to give it a try. So oftentimes, I tell people that I encounter, just be willing to be vulnerable, be willing to give it a try outside of what you have been accustomed to, outside of what’s familiar to you and so I literally had to get in a position to learn all over again, learn who I was and what I liked about myself and even what I didn’t like about myself and be willing to be vulnerable enough to start over and give myself a chance to live and create the narrative of my life. So I had to accept who I was, the brokenness of me, the things that I did like about myself, but honestly I had to go to the core of why I lost hope and why I became so bitter and angry and just allowed my life to spiral out of control. So, it was really about self-assessing for me and getting to a place where I accepted who I was.
You decided that night, to do things differently, but it couldn’t have been very easy for you because you had been in this lifestyle since you were ten. How were you able to come out of what had been your comfort zone and step into something new, something unfamiliar, something possibly frightening because you had no idea how it was going to turn out because it was completely foreign to you?
Yes. It was. And believe me, I was scared. I was just nervous and full of anxiety, but here’s how it happened to me. Changing my life, it looked like me going back and living with my mum with my three children. It looked like me having three odd jobs. It looked like me going back to school and learning and gaining an education because I only had a ninth-grade education up to that point. So, for me to change my life, it looked like literally me starting all over, me learning how to raise my kids and be present in the moment and be aware of my thoughts and my feelings. So, there were three things that I had to do in order for a change to really take place. I had to acknowledge who I was, where I was and the direction that I desired to seek after. What did that direction look like for me? Was it a woman of education and success? Was it a married woman? I had to envision what I wanted my life to be. So, I had to acknowledge those things, and accept that they existed, and then own it and begin to just do things differently outside of my norm. So, I changed my circle; I changed my patterns and habit. It looked like me going to counselling and getting the help that I needed. It looked like me entrusting my support in my community such as a church and meetings in the community. So, my lifestyle changed; my mindset changed along my journey.
Let’s talk about the impact that the experience had on you and those closest to you. And what lessons did you take away from that season of your life which are needful in your current season?
So, from that experience, now I’m in a place where I’m learning Anika, and I’m learning to embrace who she is. It impacted my children in a way to where they began to value life. They began to value our relationship. So, it went from my family just living life from day to day, no plan, no preparation, no direction, to us really being united together. So, all of my decisions, I incorporated my children, and so they’ve been a part of my journey moving forward because there was a point when I didn’t include them even though they were my children, I didn’t include them, so they were the ones that were mostly impacted. But now, through our transition – not just my transition – we do things together. We make time for family time, we make time to talk, and they’ll be honest about their feelings and be able to share that with me. So, my transition did not just affect me, it affected my children, and so now they are a part of my journey, and I’m a part of theirs to where it’s voiced, and I’m aware of it, and I’m intentional about being included in their space and vice versa. So, that’s how they were impacted.
What about the lessons? Did you take away any lessons which you are using in this season?
Oh absolutely. The lessons that I’ve learned is that you’ve got to have a vision. For me, the lesson that I learned is that I lost sight of Anika because I lost sight of a vision for my life. I lost sight of the vision that’s what caused me to become hopeless. So, the lesson that I learned is to stay focused on your vision, stay focused on what it is that you desire to do to make you happy. So, I always had to be conscious about what it is that I’m moving forward toward and be true to myself. Is that really what I want to do? Is that really going to make me happy, or am I just going with the flow and trying to appease others? So, I learned that a vision is very important, your vision is, and I also learned that my investment in myself is important, I had to always invest in Anika. And it’s not just about monetary investment; it’s about my commitment to the time, it’s about my discipline, so it’s important that I always invest in myself by being true to myself and my vision for my life.
You have an Associate Degree in Drugs and Alcohol Counselling. Was this your way of trying to give back and help others? What impact has this degree and or just sharing your story had on others?
One thing that I say about my story is that it matters. So, I have an obligation to share it. My story matters, so I need to share it because in me sharing my story, I am able to go back into the community and help my sisters and my brothers. I’m able to help them by giving them hope, by giving them inspiration to know that it’s all not lost and that where you are today, you do not have to be five days from now or six months from now. You can get up and try again and pursue your purpose and pursue bringing your life into a different narrative. And so, when I went back to school, I went back to school for drug and alcohol counselling because I did want to make a difference in my community. I believe that because I came from where they are, it was my responsibility to go back and be able to help them. So, me helping the people with drugs addiction, and me helping the people with even mental health disorders, it gives me a sense of pleasure, it gives me a sense of serving my community because I am giving them hope every day. Every time I talk to someone, I give them hope, I give them strategies, I give them just the support that they need to know that you’re not alone. Because most times you feel alone, but you’re not alone.
Let’s talk about your experience with domestic violence; when did the violence begin and what was it like to experience domestic violence?
Domestic violence began for me at a young age, witnessing my mother go through domestic violence. I am the oldest of six children, and unfortunately, I was seeing a lot as a child that I shouldn’t have been exposed to. So, with that being said, I witnessed it first hand in my home and anything that you witness, although it may not be good, it became normal and so as I grew up and became an adult and I got into relationships that were abusive whether it’s physical or emotional or psychological I accepted that as being normal. You know, if he puts his hands on me than he really loves me, he cares for me, he wouldn’t be doing that type of thing if he didn’t. So, to me, it was normal behaviour if a man treated me in that manner, whether it was physically or emotionally. So, I got to a place to where I honestly just got tired, and I’m like, this just can’t be right. And so, when I started to change my life, and I started to put things in perspective and gain a new perception, I was able to get to a place where I was learning to receive love. Because I got married and a year later, my husband was requesting a divorce because I wasn’t able to receive love. I didn’t even know what love was. So, domestic violence really took a toll on my entire life because I got married and it was broken because I couldn’t receive love because he didn’t love me like the other men was loving me. He didn’t want to put his hands on me, and if he didn’t put his hands on me it was like, what are you doing? You don’t love me. That’s how distorted my thinking was; that’s how my domestic violent relationships affected my wellbeing emotionally and mentally. Yeah.
In hindsight, what were the tell-tale signs that the men you were involved with would abuse you, and what can other women look out for?
Control. Control is a definite sign that it may not work out. And the type of control that I’m talking about is that you need to be telling him where you’re going no matter where it is, down the street, he needs to know where you’re at, at all times. And one of the things that I often heard was, you are not going to find nobody better than me. That is a clear indication that there’s some type of insecurity there for them to make that statement. And the other one is isolation. Like you can’t go anywhere without them; you need their permission. So, it really boils down to control in so many areas, and that’s how you can definitely tell that the relationship might not work out for control begins to show up in every area.
Where can people get more information about you and your work or purchase your books?
You can always contact me by going to www.ladyanikastewart.com, that’s where you can find out more about me, and my books are there and information about my conference.
