Cynthia Wilson James brings to life, Ecclesiastes 3:1, which says, to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: In her own words, “The key is never allowing another person’s season to determine where you should be in your season of life.” Cynthia also says that the Bible doesn’t put a time limit on when a person should get married. What a powerful reminder and revelation to those who did not already know this truth.
She got married for the first time at age 40 to Larry, her best male friend of more than ten years. She conceived the old-fashioned way and gave birth at ages 42 and 44 to two beautiful, healthy baby girls. During the birth of her daughters, she made two important discoveries:
- The population of first-time moms over 35 is growing in the U.S.
- Most healthcare providers offer little or no positive information or support for older expectant moms.
Having made these discoveries, Cynthia founded InSeason Mom to support expectant moms over 35 and 40. She also wrote and marketed Ease Your Fear of Giving Birth After 35 as a seminar. She found her first success presenting the seminar at a major Southeastern hospital. The hospital also trained her as a Childbirth Instructor. Her goal is to ease the fear of the first-time expectant mom, and to dispel misconceptions about giving birth after 35. I hope that you’re inspired as you read my interview with this amazing woman.
Cynthia, I read your biography. And it’s so interesting; the reason is that I got married for the first time at the age of thirty and got divorced shortly afterwards. And I remember thinking, maybe I should have waited longer for God to bring to me the right person, the perfect person for me. But I think at some point, I kept thinking to myself, I may never meet that person, I am thirty now if I don’t say yes to someone and that person never comes, my biological clock is ticking away, and I may never get married, I may never have children. And I believe this is the same way that so many other women feel and that’s the reason why many of them are unable to wait after a while, and they go and get married. Because they fear that the right person may never show up, especially once they’ve passed a certain age. So, I was really blessed when I came across your biography. It made me more excited to have you on the show today because I believe that a lot of women are going to be greatly inspired. Many of them are going to receive the grace to wait for God, knowing that it’s possible to have healthy babies and it’s possible to conceive naturally when you’ve gone past the age of forty.
Yes, that is the purpose of my ministry, my website. You’ve summarised it, but that’s it exactly.
Cynthia, from reading your biography, I see that you married at the age of forty. At that age, I am certain that many of your friends were already married and were done with childbearing. Was there any time when you felt that God was letting you down? Was there any time when you felt anxious, when you felt, I better grab the next person who asks me to marry him and just run down the aisle before my biological clock ticks away? Were you worried at any point in time?
Yes, I was. I was worried throughout the time. Because what my bio does not reveal is that I had two other suitors who asked me to marry previously, but I knew that that relationship was not right, both of them, they weren’t right. But by the time I was forty, I’m thinking maybe I should have. Again, I am listening to the world instead of God’s word, which doesn’t have a limit on when you should get married or the possibility of conceiving a child. So yes, there were times when I was worried, and I was really blessed to have friends who they may have been married at the time, but some of them had young children, and they were encouraging me. They were Christians as well. So even though I was in the situation, of not being married before I was forty, not having any children, but God did provide people around me to encourage me during my season of waiting. And that was a blessing.
Yes, that really is a blessing. Because like I said, this is something that makes a lot of women get into a marriage that they know God did not intend for them to get into, because they are thinking, God must not know my age. I think I’d better grab someone and go down the aisle and get this thing over with. So, the next thing I want to know is this, when you did get married at forty, were you worried that you wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally?
Yes, I was. Again, I contribute that to my listening to the media, listening to well-meaning acquaintances, doctors and medical professionals, who I may not know the things that they’ve read. But when I started doing my own research, after I got married and after I conceived, I realized those things were not true. But yes, I did have those doubts, in fact, I had my husband go to the doctor just making sure that everything was in order because again that’s because I was listening not to God’s word but to other materials and other resources.
So, basically what you’re saying is a Christian woman should pay more attention to God’s word and not to what medical science is saying?
Yes, and I would also say now that I don’t exclude that, I don’t exclude medical science because as we know in Jesus’ ministry, I think it was Luke who was the physician. So, I don’t exclude that, but I believe that faith and medicine can work together. In fact, that’s what I say later on in this eBook that I’ve written. But, yes, I believe faith and medicine can work together. But I do believe that sometimes, well-meaning people, whether they are in the medical profession or whether they are relatives or friends, they will say a lot of stuff that they heard, things that are based on other people’s medical history and not on a specific woman’s medical history. Again, that’s when women are studied as a group, sometimes there may be difficulties, but again this is not taking into account your individual medical history.
You had your daughters when you were forty-two and forty-four. How did your age impact on your pregnancy? Were there any difficulties because of your age?
There were no challenges because of my age. I know, and again when I say this, I’m not excluding people who want to take tests to make sure everything is, how can I say? Sometimes there are tests that are given to people who are over a certain age when they are pregnant. There are various tests given not just to make sure the baby’s okay but just to rule out genetic defects. I chose not to have those tests, but again I’m not against those who have those tests because they are trying to prepare for what may come. But I decided regardless of what may come; I was going to be in acceptance of God’s will. And so, I chose not to have those. That impacted my pregnancy because the doctor he asked me twice, and by the second time, he realized that I had decided not to take those tests and he was respectful of my wishes at that point. But I would say that that would be the only thing that the doctor persisted or asked me, again he was covering himself about those genetic testing.
When you refused to have those tests, you were basically walking in faith.
Yes, and then I want to add this, one of my friends who was also over thirty-five, conceived and her baby had a genetic disorder. And I had consoled her, and I had counselled her, and I had ministered to her, at the same time I was pregnant and expecting my baby. So I told God at this point what He wanted, I knew what I wanted and I prayed towards that but here I was ministering to a friend about having strength and having faith but I was pregnant too. So, I think the enemy also threw that in to shake my faith as well. But I had a friend also, and we were standing in faith and in prayer on my pregnancy at that time.
When you were pregnant, you made two discoveries, one, that the population of first-time moms over 35 was growing in the US and that most health care providers did not offer adequate support or information for moms who were over 35. And that discovery led to the founding of InSeason Mom. So how has your ministry impacted the lives of women, how has it breached that gap that was there at the time?
Well, my website has been recognized by CBS New York as well as MSNBC as the leading resource for first-time moms over thirty-five and over forty. The name of my website, InSeason Mom, for those who are familiar with the scriptures in Ecclesiastes, it says that there is a time and a season for everything. And that’s where the name of the website came from, InSeason Mom. I wanted women to have the support that I didn’t have at that point, in general with a lot of the websites that I read, or that I became acquainted with. And I wanted the women, the first-time expectant moms or women who were thinking about conceiving, to have emotional support and to dispel a lot of the misconceptions about giving birth after thirty-five. And after I shared my story of giving birth after forty, I found that there were other women who shared their stories, and they found the website encouraging, so that’s one of the reasons the site’s grown nationally and internationally. I know this ministry is from God because again it started out for me just to share my story and then other women shared their stories. I was very excited because almost nearly every month I get a letter or an email from someone who tells me that the website was encouraging and the last featured mom that I have on InSeason Mom, in fact, she told me during the time before she conceived she was with InSeason Mom on Facebook, and that helped her strengthen her faith, and she now has a baby. So, I’m really excited when I hear that.
Yes, it must be exciting, and it must be very fulfilling too.
It is. It is very fulfilling.
So, I see that you wrote, is it a book or a seminar, Ease Your Fear of Giving Birth After Thirty-Five?
Yes, that was the seminar that I started out with, I contacted the local hospital in the area to present this to first-time moms, and again the door was open. I had no idea that most people normally didn’t do that, but the hospital staff was very open, and after that I wrote an eBook about trying to conceive in your forties, coaching tips. So, yes it started as a seminar at a local hospital.
Where can people get this eBook? From your website?
Yes, on my website, there is a link. The book has spiritual, mental, and physical coaching tips because I believe all of that comes together, a whole holistic approach. It comes together I should say.
What advice would you give to Christian women who are over thirty-five and unmarried and are worried that their biological clocks are ticking away?
Okay, the first thing that I would say is to believe there is a power greater than circumstances, there is hope, there is God. Then I would tell them to take steps to become healthy physically, mentally and spiritually. Then I would tell them to read positive information because again there’s so much negative information, you don’t need to try to get negative information. But I would say for every negative information you read or thought you have, replace it with something positive. Look for positive information that women who are over thirty-five and unmarried, and later they married, and they conceived such as myself. And you’re going to find a lot of that on InSeason Mom because a lot of the women who, they had their children later they also married later, and a lot of them are women of faith. I think this increases your faith. I would encourage them to do that, and I like to mention one of my other blogs, Married Over Forty by Faith. That offers some positive suggestions as well for the unmarried over thirty-five.
So, that’s another blog that you have that women over thirty-five and unmarried can go to for encouragement or words that would uplift them.
It’s actually an offspring of InSeason Mom because it has stories of people who did marry over thirty-five or forty. marryingover40.blogspot.com/
So, Cynthia when and how did you become a Christian?
Okay, I was raised in a Christian environment, a Christian home but it wasn’t until I was 19 and I went to college that I really began studying more into God’s word. Of course, when I was at home I participated in the Christian activity, the youth group and everything, I loved it. But I think when I went to college, I shouldn’t say I think, I know when I went to college I started getting serious and studying more into God’s word. And I connected myself with a Bible-believing church a group of believers, and I studied, and I obeyed the scriptures, and I was baptized. So, at nineteen I would say my commitment to God grew, I became more serious.
So, looking back at your life, at getting married at forty, having your children when you were forty-two and forty-four is there anything that you would change?
A few years ago, I would have said yes. I probably would have said, yes. But as I have grown more in the scriptures, in the word, I realize that if I had gotten married earlier, I may not have had this ministry that God wants me to have now, sharing it with other women. So again, but there were times when I thought I should have gotten married earlier, I should have said yes to this person, but now I say, no. And that takes a lot from me to say no. But this is only because I’ve grown to this point. If I had changed anything I don’t, I know God can give you any ministry, but I don’t think I would have had this ministry that I love and have a passion for so much.
So, everything did fall into place; God caused it to work for your good because when I look at your life, I see that things had to happen the way they did for you to be able to find purpose and walk in it.
Yes, again that’s why I say that a few years ago I might have said, yes, but now that I’ve grown, and I’ve reached this point I see, as you said, it was all in God’s plan. Everything works together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose, and He certainly has worked it out for good, and I encourage women who want to get married, and they have made a mistake they’ve been in a bad marriage before and now are ready to move on, God is able, again there are stories from my website. I’m not trying to encourage anyone to go there, to the married over forty, but God has given me such a great ministry through others. When they share their information, I’m sending it out, so others can be encouraged. So again, realizing that God is able He is definitely able to take you from where you are now and regardless of what the circumstances are, as I said before, there is a power greater than circumstances, there is hope there is God. And that would be my closing words.
